I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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