Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize