It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
