you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We just shotgunned beers for America
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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