I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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