Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
