I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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