Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
it glows. i had to have it.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
As shirtless as possible
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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