I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
