If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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