the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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