I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
