i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
