There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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