There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
