so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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