I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize