she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize