But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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