i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
