How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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