my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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