you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
