where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
