We named our party play list daddy issues
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
