they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
