Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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