Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize