bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
