so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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