Your face is a jimmy john
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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