4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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