Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
