kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
