I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
