I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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