I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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