just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
