sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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