woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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