I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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