mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
