do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
