If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
