True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
