Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
