i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
