We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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