I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
