shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
