u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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