I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
