Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
