I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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