I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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