i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
