ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
