No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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