Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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