I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
