he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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