yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
