I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
