youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize