this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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